Moving On!

Cheers to new beginnings and leaving the past behind me!

I'm on my way, I have left my job and moved onto another gig. I'm happily awaiting Monday morning. It's gonna be fast paced and exciting.

I'm still experiencing some growing pains, just gonna push through it and hope for the best. I've never been one to give up anyway. I'm not genetically coded to quit on myself.

I will hopefuly have very exciting news in the near future for all inquiring minds. Just hang in there!

Still Got My Groove On!

(pic by Derrick McCall)

I know I've been down lately but it's just the job issues, my dad's health and my pointless diet. The job I'm just going have to do, come in early, leave on time, and deal with the peeps in this joint. What can I do? I flush 5 times. I keep to myself. I'm in fear of being censored because when the last hire resigned, she told HR that she didn't like the treatment the department received and since I am one of two remaining in the dept. I was dragged to the interrogation room for a little censorship talk. I'm resigned to it. What can you do? Keeping my head down low and staying out of trouble. I know the employment market is tough and I only need one job so I guess I'll hold on to the rope for a while and fantasize about pristine beaches, while stuck in a storm in the sea.

My dad, who I love dearly, has managed to get me worried sick. He's been a little crazy lately. He forgets important things like his medication. Sometimes he hurts himself and can't feel it. The Docs attribute that to poor circulation. Well, he is independent and doesn't want my help, so I can only do so much. My parents may be the most stubborn people on earth I must get it from them. Well my dad's fifty something b-day is coming up already bought the gift and planned his Valentine surprise. I hope he likes it.

This diet is kicking my ass. I'm eating nothing. I'm low cal, no carb, and so miserable. I start of the day with some oatmeal, add a couple of walnuts and yes some real white processed sugar. I hate the fake stuff. After my oatmeal I try to avoid eating anything heavy until dinner and then I have protein and veggies. Last night was a strip steak with broccoli and I skipped lunch so I can splurge for dinner. Painful, I know I want to lose 15 pounds but how long can I keep this up. I've only lost 2 lbs since I started. OK only been doing this seriously for a week but still that is a long time for me. I love food. I am passionate about just about all cuisines. Is this what my thirties will have to offer--years of restraint, diet obsession. It almost feels like sex is the only indulgence I'm allowed. I shouldn't complain but if I had to chose losing 15lbs and booty, I would go with the booty everytime so I'm glad I can keep that one little indulgence.

Regardless of all my trials and tribulations, I managing to keep it together. I still feel pretty good and have my mighty Viking chasing me around. I haven't lost hope that I'll find a better gig. I just hope it happens sooner better than later. I am trying to be patient--it's so hard!

Tyger Tyger

This my favorite poem. I loved it the 1st time I heard it at 10 years old as much as I love it now.

Tyger Tyger burning bright,
In the forests of the night;
What immortal hand or eye,
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies,
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare sieze the fire?

And what shoulder & what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand?& what dread feet?

What the hammer? What the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? What dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp!

When the stars threw down their spears
And water’d heaven with their tears:
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the lamb make thee?

Tyger Tyger burning bright,
In the forests of the night:
What immortal hand or eye,
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

---William Blake--

It's timeless!

Faith

For the last month or so I have been dragging myself out of bed on Sunday morning to attend church. This is huge for me because I haven't done that since I was a child. I'm looking for that peace and clarity I once had.

I am overall happy with life as it is but there is this piece of me that is missing. I need to believe there is more because if this is it I may have to shrivel up. There has to be hope for more and a chance to make the world better.

I do the usual polite/kind things on the daily like hold the door for others and say thank you. I can't remember the last time I really helped anyone or change someone's life. I want it all --I want to be able to help people, love my work, live well, and take care of my family.

My greatest flaw would have to be my impatience I want everything to happen now and yesterday. I constantly move forward and circle around never stopping like a shark in the ocean. I know there are better ways to live but when you have a family to support you are always thinking 5 steps ahead and pushing on.

I guess I'll devote my meditation and prayers to slowing the roll and taking it all in but when it comes to work I'm still going to have to push forward. As soon as things settle I'll release the reins again.

Neutrality: The Realities of Nightmares

One of my favorite posts

Neutrality: The Realities of Nightmares

Old friends & New friends

As I left work chatting up San Genero Guy on my celly, he managed to convince me to go to this OMD party. Mind you before getting him I chatted with his wife for 10 minutes, trying to weasel his contact information. San Genero Guy and I used to be co-workers and we are tight. I like him a lot. I actually only keep very few people near me in life and he is one of them.

He's really strong has survived much and still manages to smile. His wife is amazing. She holds every thing together and provides a stable base. Since I am partial to him already it only took a little arm twisting. So I got there early and waited for him. I ordered a pint of Blue Moon, found a stool sat at the bar, trying to look casually comfy and aloof, not interested in being picked up and OK with drinking alone. I did that fot 45 minutes realized he was late and then decided to go outside and call him because I couldn't hear a thing in that bar.

And then it happened, the Elvis look a like stepped to me. Wasn't too pushy said something about the guy I'm waiting for is lucky and asked if he could keep me company. If I was single I would encourage him but there is that fine line between attraction and appropriate behavior. My boyfriend tells me men will only talk to women they find attractive so even saying hello is encouraging. Damn does that mean I flirted by mistake for 28 years before realizing it. I want to believe sometimes people just talk to talk. Can't just put myself in a bubble. I'll miss out on life. So I thanked him and said I was waiting for my buddy, who strolled in at that minute--perfect timing.

He brought along Aisha, his new side kick-- I was her 3 years ago. I liked her. She is really smart and funny and drinks Blue Moon also. I suggested a couple more premium Belgian Beers and chatted her up and then we started working the room. I have to admit my socializing skills were not at peak. I didn't feel like chatting up complete strangers last night. So I shook hands made a mental note to remember the bodies that go with the names and planned my excape.

And yes it happened again, I bumped into a guy I worked with 5 years ago--randomly. I always liked KJ-he has a good heart and is really smart. He reminds me of my boyfriend who I adore. We did the corporate america thing exchanged business cards, some superficial talk and parted ways. I think I will shoot him an email and have lunch with him if he wants. I am genuinely curious about him. Last time we hung out it was at a french bistro. He loves that stuff. You never know what you can learn from people. He is in ad sales now and still living in brooklyn. I wonder if he has read anything good lately and if he finished that novel he was writing. So many questions. This one is worth the time.

Tonight I may have to make an appearance at this Conde Net thing, my friend there may get tired of inviting my lazy bottom. Don't really want to go. Dieting and consuming mass quantities of beer do not really mix. I feel terrible the following morning AKA right now. I guess I have to take this one for my career and go and network. Go figure! I may actually enjoy it. Who knows!

Ode to the Handbag

I have searched long and hard for the right handbag. The one that says I can be worn with anything and I will not fall apart. The complete companion to stand by my side through my days toil.

At last the heavens have parted and provided my companion. It's just what I was looking for class and sophistication at the right price. My heart actually skipped a beat. Even on sale I have to admit it was more expensive than any bag I've ever owned but at last I have found my daily companion.

There is still good in the world.

Mr. No Talent arrogant Kiss My A@# sales guy

It all started last week Friday with a cryptic email from an advertising agency. They needed specs checked by a publisher. It was then forwarded to me who realized there wasn't anything I can do because I do not adjust specs and I then forwarded it to the person who builds the ad who get this sends it right back to me basically saying they can't work with this.

OK at this point Mr. No Talent arrogant Kiss My A@# sales guy decided to copy the whole damn company and announce that he will get to the bottom of why this service request wasn't answered. My answer to him is there isn't anything for me to do, they haven't even set up there campaign. I have already spoken to the party that originated this idiotic email message.

Regardless, I look forward to the two hour meeting in the interrogation room about how this should have been handled.

Schadenfreude

Schadenfreude

n : delight in another person's misfortune

According to the NY Times, there is a location in the brain attached to schadenfreude. Can this discovery be put to practical use? Can we track and identify people who are more likely to find joy in the pain of another by a brain scan?

It would in the long run provide great crime prevention. Well that is only if the environment has no affect on this behavior and if we are all not disposed to occasionally feeling schadendfreude.

Reasons for loving SFXH

1. He doesn't use cheesy pick up lines like "I hope you know CPR, cause you take my breathe away" but does give me silly nick names like cocoa bean and chases me around the dining table.
2. He has an uncanny way of knowing what I am up to all of the time. He says he knows what motivates me. Weird because I pride myself on being a wild card.
3. He makes me laugh every day. Always says what's on his mind, especially when it isn't political correct. Yeah and he tells the dirtiest jokes ever.
4. He can carry a conversation with anyone and I mean anyone about anything. This one you have to witness.
5. He doesn't judge anyone and is always open minded in regards to life.
6. He follows his heart and lives his life the way he wants to regardless of the rest of the world.
7. He is always up for rescuing the scared hiker/climber trapped on break neck ridge and still manages to rescue me along the way.
8. He watches CSI and Dirty Jobs with me and talks only during the commercials.
9. He still takes me to Hockey games even though I yell and curse through the whole game and never tells me to calm down.
10. He has managed to get me addicted to football and always watches with me.
11. He is thoughtful in everyway possible.

I could go on but I think eleven reasons are enough for today.

Check out this post

Potty drama in the office

This all started before my time. I'll try to give you some background. The ladies room of my office tends to have toilets filled with stuff and the office manager cringes at flushing after other people. It turns out you have to multiple flush in that bathroom, maybe it's the pressure who knows but currently it is a big to do in the office.

It happened once before I got here and while I was on vacation and now today and everyone is throwing in their two cents and accusing everyone of the ultimate offense--"toilet leaving".

Please look below for some email snipits.

This type of behavior is unacceptable. First of all, you should not flush anything but toilet paper down the toilet. Second, if you do block the toilet, there is a plunger. USE IT! There is absolutely no excuse for leaving the toilet clogged. We are all adults and we do not have someone on staff to handle these issues; we must handle them ourselves. Please, if it is your mess, go fix it now.

The response

However, we should consider getting the bathrooms fixed by a professional. Besides the obvious, too much toilet paper and feminine problems, if this thing happens every week then we need to get a plumber in here to fix it (the water levels/pressure are too low).

The enivitable response to the above

The bathrooms have been fixed by professionals. There is nothing wrong with the pressure. I’ve had them checked by 2 different plumbers. The things that you say are “wrong with the bathroom” are mostly esthetics; it does not excuse anyone from leaving a mess.

People know when someone is in that first stall; no one walks in or looks through the lock. I will have someone fix it when there are other needs in the bathroom, there is no need to call in a professional for such a small task.

I’ve never had a problem when using the bathroom. I make sure that I clean up after myself. There’s no reason why others can’t do the same

Who would have thought corporate america could generate such issues. Well this all goes back to kindergarten if you ask me. We learn this stuff at home but then again there is a 4 flush demand due to office policy--so what if the culprit flushed and it just didn't take due to pressure. I'm not defending the culprit just stating the facts.

Minor Confessions

I met someone I could have fallen in love with and did.
I've told lies in my past because I wanted to be more ordinary.
I once made a decision I could regret for the rest of my life and then devoted my life to changing my life.
I hate the scent of ripe bananas.
I never realized how beautiful my mom is until yesterday when I stopped and looked.

The truth about the flu germ and love

Those of you who co-habitate will feel this one. Love can lead you to do certain things that you normally wouldn't do. For example when your ohh sooo cute significant other cuddles up to you and you join in. That very sexy man just had his flu shot and is a bit sick. You know the rest of the story, now your miserable sick in bed, missing your office party and drinking the Nyquil like tequila.

Well I think I recovered, looking very sophisticated in my french scarf and cropped cut. Not complaining!

What to do when your ex-husbands current live in girl friend thinks you are her new best friend

1. Inform her that you are at qouta with friends don't need new ones
2. Tell her your ex is hers now so his problems are all hers
3.block her # from your cell phone, great passive way to put an end to her approaches.
4. last but not least do not tell your Mom that you have nicely or not so nicely dismissed the chick because she will tell you to practice kindness and humility when you just want to be left alone.

The bigger issue is why me. I'm not nice. I'm a BITCH. I swear. I tell people to F off daily. As a matter of fact just cut some guy of on 87 and you know what I would do it again.

Just in case any current girlfriends of my ex's are reading this do not contact me. Already had what you have don't want any part of it and left it behind.

Damn, that feels good!

Transit Strike

I commute in to work every day so I so depend on the MTA. I cringe at the thought of a transit strike. What will happen to the average worker bee who depends on the metro north, the path, or even the D train? I understand the Union's request for higher wages and I also have personal experience with the rising ticket cost. Every year ticket prices have risen in the last 6 years I've gone from spending $120 on the metro north to $163, not including the regular city trains which I spend about $40 a month on now.

If we have seen a rise in consumer cost, why not give the workers a raise because in addition to running the transit system they are now shackled with the responsibility of keeping us safe from a terrorist attack.

While we are on the topic of public safety in the subways, I think we should address the blackout a couple of years ago. I was stuck on the 4 train going to Grand Central at the time of the Blackout. As expected when the power went out the train stopped and we all waited for the conductors message-which was "please be patient the train is delayed" an hour later another message via loud speaker came " Please walk in single file to the end of the train and commence evacuating the train a safety team will meet you on the tracks". So I walked to the end of the train and was met with a lone man with a flash light AKA as the safety team and then walked across the tracks and climbed onto the platform. I have never felt so dirty in my life.

I guess the point I'm making is OK raise ticket prices but at the same time hire qualified workers to address functionality and safety. A safety team comprised of a medic and engineer and more than one body would have been appreciated in the blackout.

Yes, last and most important point is reward the workers who do a good job give them the raise and keep NY's transportation going.

Flasher

On Saturday night I landed at a birthday party. All was well until I made my way to the ladies room. I opened the door started to apply lipstick and a woman who I met earlier walked in and proceeded to flash me and then ask what I thought of her breasts.

I wasn't ready for that. This was a 1st, so I blundered, tripped on my feet said they were OK and made a mad dash for the door only to be halted once again, as the discomfort grew, I prayed for someone else to walk in--didn't want any part of this. Not really attracted to women and this one didn't move me at all.

I felt claustrophobic and frustrated all at once, for maybe 2 minutes but I swear it could have been a lifetime. Yes, someone walked in and I took my hasty exit and avoided that chick like the plague for the rest of the night.

Lesson learned: Don't break the seal, until you are home--gotta keep those crazy women away.

The blues

You are what you make yourself. I have decided not to be beaten by an evil she/he manager, still manage to droul over the office hottie and keep the faith. Everything changes maybe in a week work life will be better or worse but I know I will work another day regardless of location.

FYI, I want to go to the beach but without all the strings attached and I'm not excited about being the scape goat for the fiasco. No good at taking the fall--if you push me I'll just push back, when I can't walk I'll run, and I'll never take what isn't given to me freely.

f%&*((^&^%^% WORK

Why am I always in these sucky work situations? I wonder if my aura calls for confrontation. Like my gig hate being micro-managed. For God's sake is there a job on earth that is suited for my skill set?

Almost want throw in the towel and become a buddist, live in a commune and say fuck western society and all of the work politics. So tired of this. Just wish I could see the light.

Chaiken the designer not chicken

Today I discovered the joy of sample sales. I landed two very beautiful cashmere sweaters for practically nothing. Who would have ever guessed?

love it love it.

On to more pressing matters, I was informed that someone in Florida won the NY lottery. I could swear this was my big win. Walked into the bodega with the tix in hand, thinking of how $2oo mil would change my life and the guy behind the counter informed me someone in Florida won. Why don't we have rules for that, let the Floridians play their own lottery. Outer staters will just effect the probability of me winning negatively.

I guess it's back to my working to pay the bills life, no summer homes, vacations, and excruciatingly expensive anything but if I won my world would be a better place. I'll keep the faith next time it will be my chance to win.